What If They Filibustered American Idol?     5/12/2005
By Jan LaRue, Chief Counsel

What if millions were denied a chance to vote when guest judges filibustered a skinny singer from New Jersey?

I had a nightmare. I may be the only person on the planet who’s never watched American Idol, which is why this is so weird.

Paula Abdul, Simon Cowell and Randy Jackson, the regular judges on Fox’s hit TV show, were replaced for one night by none other than Sens. Ted Kennedy (D-Massachusetts), Chuck Schumer (D-New York) and the Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nevada). If you think Simon is cold, you should have seen these guys.

Only one contestant performed on the show. Even though he was a smash hit, millions in the audience were denied the right to vote on the Italian-American singer named Francis Albert Sinatra.

Sen. Reid set the tone. (Many of these comments are based on actual statements made by these senators about the president’s judicial nominees.)

REID: Why is Fox picking a fight by sending us contestants like this? Why are they refusing to move on to less controversial contestants? They want to make us look like obstructionists. We know the difference between opposing contestants and blocking contestants. We will oppose bad contestants but we will only block unacceptable contestants. They won’t send us any new contestants because the president of Fox doesn’t want to give us a chance to demonstrate that we are reasonable. He’s just giving a big wet kiss to Italians on the far right. This is about checks and balances. I’m feeling unbalanced. I need to step away from the precipice before I’m swayed.

AUDIENCE: Shut-up and let us vote!

Not about to let that happen, Sen. Schumer began an extreme criticism of Sinatra’s style and performance.

SCHUMER: Well, his voice is clearly out-of-the mainstream. The extreme way he expressed the lyric—the extreme snapping of the fingers on his extreme right hand—he’s sending an extremist message to the far-right-handed. What does that mean for the minority of the far-left-handed among us who are mainstream? He’s obviously pandering to the far-right extremists who want to force extreme music on the rest of us in the mainstream. I mean, how extreme—The Lady is a Tramp—a not-so-subtle extremist attack on women’s rights. He obviously favors certain extreme composers and discriminates against other mainstream composers struggling for mainstream recognition. We will not be swayed by the extreme mass of the extremists on the extreme right!!!

AUDIENCE: Shut-up and let us vote!!

KENNEDY: We fought the, ah, Revolutionary War, or, ah, the Civil War or some, ah, war, I didn’t fight but heard about it, so that all singers would finally be protected by the Constitution. But this nation will never be America until we free ourselves from the domination of Italian singers. We will not turn back to the days of discrimination and prejudice by sending another Italian singer on to a lifetime recording contract when the likes of William Hung are left to perform in a silly commercial.

I have here in my mainstream left hand the lyrics of songs this Sinatra person has sung that reveal a narrow intolerance for the rights of others: My Way, All the Way, All or Nothing at All, All of Me—it doesn’t get any more extremist than this. These songs express an intemperate musical opinion, not those of a consensus singer. That’s Life is clearly an attack on choice. Then there’s The House I Live In. Well sir, some of us don’t even have access to affordable housing. How will we who dwell in trailer parks, tents and igloos feel welcome at your concerts?

My Kind of Town is nothing less than blatant geographic favoritism. Next thing you know it’ll be New York, New York. Where’s the regard for musical precedents? And most intolerant of all, My Boy Bill. How can gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, tri-sexual, trans-sexual, trans-gendered, bi-gendered, multi-gendered, gender-confused, other gendered and cross-dressers, the over-dressed, under-dressed and badly dressed expect fair and impartial entertainment from this singer?

AUDIENCE: Oh, shut-up and let us vote!!!

I awakened from this nightmare In the Still of the Night singing Send in the Clowns. I think somebody already did.

Printer Friendly Version

Recent Articles

Back to Plan A: The Courts

Coalition Letter in Opposition to the Nomination of Judge David Hamilton

Obama Names His First Judicial Nominee

Obama’s First Judicial Nominee: Another Slap in the Face of Christian Conservatives

Consider Judges When You Vote in November

Justice and Fairness Dead in Judicial Confirmation Process

Judging a Judge

Press Conference in Support of Judge Conrad

Obstruction of Judicial Nominees Continues

E-Alert: Tell Everyone You Know About the Obstruction of Circuit Court Judicial Nominees