Mothers are giving the greatest gift: themselves
By Pamela Pearson Wong
May/June 2001 Family Voice

On a wintry Minnesota day, Mary Gotta’s three oldest children were just returning from school. She had finished homeschooling her three youngest. Then she heard a muffled knock at the door. Nine-year-old Taylor, who lived nearby, stood on the step bundled against the cold. He had forgotten the key to his house, he told her. She invited him in until his dad, who tries to get home soon after Taylor does, returned.

“Come over anytime,” Mary told Taylor, and he has accepted her invitation often. He grins as he enters the busy household, so different from his own, that consists of his parents, himself and an older sister. At the Gottas, he has ready playmates, often including puppies Mary breeds for extra income.

“This is something I always wanted to do,” says Mary, who taught school part time when her two oldest were little. “I feel it is my calling.”

At-home moms face challenges. They can never close the door on their work. Also, “the rewards are intangible,” Mary says. “You don’t get a paycheck at the end of the week. But … we’re making an investment in our children’s lives that we hope will be for eternity.”

Mary runs her household, homeschools, helps with homework, and chauffeurs her brood to music lessons, ballet and sports. In addition, she has opened her home to a weekly Good News Club, which shares the Gospel message with young neighbors and friends. “Taylor and other children have accepted Christ as a result,” she says.

Further, even more mothers long to be home. In Necessary Compromises, released last August by Public Agenda, 70 percent of parents surveyed said a parent at home provides the best care for children aged five and under. In addition, 80 percent of mothers aged 18 to 29, who grew up when more mothers worked outside the home, said they would prefer to stay home with their children rather than work full time.

Despite more than 30 years of feminists trying to change the minds of American women, moms still choose to stay home with their children. The Beverly LaHaye Institute (BLI) recently analyzed the latest information from the Bureau of Labor Statistics. It shows fewer mothers with children under age 3 were working outside their homes in 1999 than in 1994. Significantly, the 1999 drop came during an economic boom with many available jobs.

“BLI will be watching to see whether the data continue to indicate a decline in married mothers entering or returning to the work force,” says Dr. Janice Crouse, BLI senior fellow.

“Babies fall first in love with their mothers,” Dr. Hunter says. “This is so important because empathy flows from [this relationship]. Fortunate is the baby whose mother is emotionally available to fall in love with him.”

Called the “attachment relationship,” the special bond between mother and child needs to be in place by the time a baby reaches 6 to 12 months. Insecure attachment can cause problems throughout life.

Dr. Hunter cites the work of the late Dr. John Bowlby, a British psychiatrist, who wrote “the young child’s hunger for his mother’s love and presence is as great as his hunger for food.”

Without strong attachment, a child will struggle with low self-esteem, feeling unloved, and the inability to establish intimate relationships.

However, some moms—despite their desire—are not able to stay home. The alternative may be a succession of providers who have neither the time nor disposition to love as only a mother can. Psychologist Jay Belsky, of University of London, warns research since 1980 shows placing a child in day care in the first year of life can lead to later problems. Dr. Hunter recommends, if at all possible, that mothers work no more than 20 hours a week during their child’s first three years.

The largest study of the social, health and risk behaviors of this age group, the National Longitudinal Study on Adolescent Health (ADD Health), found the same. In addition to minimizing drug use, ADD Health says teens who feel connected to their parents experience less emotional distress, violence and early sexual activity.

For these reasons, mothers of teens leave the work force for the home. They recognize the value of closeness with their teens.

“Kids are making the most important decisions of their lives: to remain abstinent, to achieve academically,” says Dr. Hunter. “To rear responsible, loving, mature adults, we need to be there for our children most of the time when they are in the house—to monitor, encourage, teach and love them.”

“I loved working. It’s difficult to [leave] a job where you do well, and people recognize your abilities,” says Penny Nance, who left her job as a Washington, D.C., lobbyist to be home with daughter Claire, now 4, and son Briscoe, 5 months.

“But I realized I only had a small window of opportunity to mold their little hearts, and I don’t trust anyone else to do that. My husband and I are partners with God in this process.”

Gone are the days when women talked to each other over the fence. An at-home mother may feel alone in her neighborhood. When taking Claire to the playground and play group, Penny got to know other moms.

Many women find their church invaluable for introducing them to other women. In addition, groups such as Mothers at Home and Hearts at Home offer support to women who have made this commitment.

“God honored our decision,” she says.

Penny’s husband, Will, sacrificed. He gave up a job he loved for one with better pay and no traveling. When her consulting work has required last-minute meetings, he has adjusted his schedule so he can stay with the children.

Lynn Riggs’ daughters are grown now. Rebecca, 22, graduated from college a year ago. Christy, 20, is a college junior. Lynn stayed home with her daughters. When they reached ages 9 and 11, she began substitute teaching, which enabled her schedule to match theirs.

“The Lord blessed that decision, even though we couldn’t always give the girls what their friends had,” she says.

Lynn remembers well how NOW (the National Organization for Women) claimed women needed to work to be fulfilled. Popular magazines proclaimed the same message, and even some of her friends couldn’t understand how she could be a stay-at-home mom without feeling bored.

But the church her husband served as pastor had other mothers at home. They studied the Bible, encouraged each other and collaborated on projects. Lynn remembers sewing strips of old sheets into 20-foot bandages. Her daughters helped roll them, and they sent the bandages to a mission hospital in India.

Because of the intentional time she and her husband devoted to their daughters, Lynn perceives a security that enables them to take on new experiences, such as the six months then 17-year-old Rebecca served as a volunteer in Thailand. “They have a sense that God has a mission for their lives,” Lynn explains.

Rebecca now lives 600 miles from her parents. She has memories, too—of homemade after-school snacks, backyard science experiments, and contentedly drifting off to sleep as she heard her mom practicing the guitar or piano.

“There is a difference in how I grew up thinking about family than a lot of my peers did,” Rebecca says. “Their families provided for them, but they didn‘t have the same connectedness. I still draw a lot of strength from having my parents to turn to.”

It‘s easy to see that, God-willing, Rebecca will one day nurture her own children in much the same way. Like Mary and Penny, and millions of other mothers, she will continue the God-given task of rearing emotionally healthy, Godly children.

What could be more important?

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